Secrets, Part 5

[applespice]

I haven't done one of these in years, but it just struck me today to put a post up. If you have something weighing on you that you'd like to get out, post it here!

Share a secret in the comments. Anonymous commenting is on and IP logging is off, so share whatever you like.

Maybe I'm just feeling a little secretive today?

Comments

[applespicy.livejournal.com]

That sounds so overwhelming. Is it just people you know that you have a hard time asking for help, or anyone? Have you considered any counseling?

I'm sorry that things are so hard. I truly hope that they get better for you.

[(Anonymous)]

My stock answer to counseling has always been to say I can't afford it, but deep down I know that's not true. The only reason I have money problems is because of my impulse control, and if I went to counseling, maybe I' be better at that, too...I don't know. I know I should, and I even suspect I know that the problem is severe ADHD (well, I've been diagnosed before, and I just...quit going to doctors. I don't know why.)

I think part of it is pride - even though I'm finally starting to acknowledge that there is something wrong with me, I can't bear the thought of going to anyone, even a complete stranger, and having them know that I can't even take care of myself. I want so bad to be able to fix myself, to somehow just magically pull myself together even though I haven't been able to do so in all the years I've lived away from my parents. I've just always hated asking for help, and I hate to know that I might need some kind of medication to function. I mean, intellectually I know there's no shame in it, but emotionally the idea of relying on drugs to function just...kills me.

Part of it is a fear that I'll go and find that it's not something (relatively) simple like ADHD, but that I'll have schizophrenia like my brother or something else awful and hard to treat, and then I'll be adding another burden to my parent's lives, because they already have to take care of him. I've watched him change from my big brother to a complete stranger that I can barely talk to and I'm just...terrified of what could be wrong with me, because I never want to be like that.

[applespicy.livejournal.com]

I get you on the therapy thing, I really do... I have considered therapy for some of my issues as well, but avoid going for basically the same reasons you talk about here. It's a huge thing to do.

I'm sorry that you have that fear. I can't imagine.